Crazy 8's

I came across a picture the other day that made me pause... it was of my grandma surrounded by my mom & her 8 siblings & half-siblings. (Well, one was photo-shopped in...:)

It touched me to think about the relationships they share & how blessed they all are to have each other... then shortly after that I ran across another picture, this time of my father & mother-in-love surrounded by 10 of their grandkids (8 of them being our children:). I paused again, a little overcome again by the blessing in those relationships.

Then a picture entered my mind of my husband & I later in life surrounded by our children. My heart just felt so full of love & joy that God had entrusted us with these precious souls & I wondered, what more could we ask for?

I mentioned in the last post how Jason & I went to the grocery store recently & were approached by a lady in the parking lot after, commenting how well-behaved our children were during our shopping experience & how she can't imagine handling more than her two children. Having 8 children in tow (& being 9 months pregnant with our  9th,) we tend to draw a little bit of attention to ourselves whenever we go out in public (for good & bad). I always wonder how to respond to the comments we get... wondering what I can say that would express the joy I have in being a mother to "so many" & how I would never choose to have it any other way (even though so many think we're "crazy":). But then, how do you possibly go into all the joy & fullness of life that comes with being a mother (even on the worst days) & explain that to someone in a short sentence or two (or three)??

When the lady spoke to me about our children's exemplary behavior, the first thing that came to mind was, "Seriously?" because I had felt myself get frustrated & noticed more than a few times they weren't *that* obedient. I decided against saying that though & it prompted me (again) to think about how I really wanted to answer. 

If she were to get a second glace at our lives... come over & see the crazy mess in the backyard of wood, metal & junk (that the children thought they could put together to make an awesome fort;), or the pit they created more than a few summers ago to dig a tunnel to China that never quite made it there, or the jam-packed garage full of more junk (giant rocks for their "collection", more wood scrap just "in case" they want to build something & broken toys that they just can't seem to let go of), or the many holes in the walls of our house from the boys playing a *little* too hard, or the permanent marker (& crayon & pencil & chalk...) that decorate many of the walls, doors & floors of our home, or the rust that's been picked off the outside of our van by little fingers or even the headliner that's been ripped off the ceiling of our van... (I could go on & on:), I'm sure it would confirm in her mind that our lives are absolutely "crazy" & cause her to wonder why anyone would ever want *this*.

Some moments, that's all I see too. I see the mountain of dishes in the sink & the mountain in the next room of laundry to fold & put away. I see the baby in diapers & the toddler who just can't seem to "catch on" to potty training. I see the unswept (& hardly been mopped in how long?) floor & crumb-covered counters. I see all the bills & another picture frame broken while the children play. I see the beads of the necklace I *just* bought with a gift card from my birthday scattered all over the floor because the 4 yr old wanted to play with it... (again, I could go on & *on*).

It's easy to see the broken, the mess... the chaos in life. It's easy to focus on all the negative... the challenges of life & the struggle of the day to day with all that has to be done.

Several evenings ago Jason & I had the *rare* privilege of going out to dinner & a movie *completely & totally* alone. There were no little fingers grabbing for the food on my plate & no one to keep occupied while I tried to have a conversation with my husband. I was able to focus on the movie & enjoy holding Jason's hand without interruption. We came home to a quiet house & were able to indulge in strawberries &  cheesecake I had bought (& we didn't have to share!:) It was a wonderful treat. At the same time, when we picked up 6 of our children the next morning, I was beyond thrilled to see them & hug them again! I was looking forward to the other 2 coming home later that afternoon & didn't (in any way) long for the peace & quiet I had enjoyed the night before. In fact, I had trouble sleeping (in part because of the caffeine I had over dinner, but also) because of the intense silence of a house with no children! I was thankful for the break (don't get me wrong,) but I was also reminded of how very grateful I am for all that God has given to us.

I have to be honest. Though I've had rough moments & days & weeks, there isn't a single time that I have thought "I wish we didn't have all these kids". There isn't a single one I would want to send back. :) As rough as this life can be at times, I am in awe at the fact that God has so graciously given us so very much! As I see the twins getting older & offering to make me breakfast with my eggs runny because I "like it that way", I have to sigh & smile, because I see the fruit of our labor of love in their lives. :) I am so far from being a perfect (let alone "good") parent! Becoming a mother has shown me just how selfish, unloving, impatient...  unkind I am (though I know I thought otherwise before we had them:). I've said over & over what a refining experience mothering has been in my life!

Now having had so much time to think over what my response will be the next time I face someone like the woman in the parking lot (in awe that we can keep so many little ones in line, like we're actually keeping them in line anyway,) I think I know what I will say. I'll tell her something I'm sure she already knows. I'll tell her that being a mother is a challenging & refining process, whether you have 1 child or 9. Then I'll ask her a question, "At what other time in life, though, does God give you the privilege of having such a significant & indelible impact on another soul as you do when you're a mother?" I'll tell her that I'm not so great of a mother just because my children are obeying *for now*- I just love my children the best I can, teach them God's Word & pray for His grace to fill in the many gaps.

I hope it helps her to see how *vitally important* her presence is in her own child(ren)'s lives. I pray that she understands that she can't be a loving, "good mom" of her own strength but that God is here to guide & help her. I hope she is aware that she is going to make mistakes (& that I make mistakes!) & that, as long as we have another breath, there is always time to do better because God's grace is sufficient. I pray that she knows she is deeply loved by Jesus Christ (& all that He has done for her) & that He can teach her to be the mother she longs to be.

I pray that all of you mothers reading this know these things & realize (no matter how much you feel inadequate for this task,) that God has chosen you to be your child's mother & He has given you all that you need to do a great job at it- & that is enough.

Speak life, Speak Light

There's a quote by John Wooden (one of my husband's idols :) ) that I've always agreed with but despised (because of the lack of time I thought I had):
“Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read.”

More than a few years ago I came to a decision. I kept making excuses for not having the time to fully delve into the Word of God, nor the time to read other quality books. Yet as I was teaching our young children to read & reading lower-level books to them (for the sake of educating them,) this quote kept coming to mind. I determined that since I was making the time to educate them anyway, I would read to them (and me,) something of worth- quality books (including books that might be "over their heads").

Through the years we've (I've) read a number of inspiring books, mainly sections of the Bible itself & biographies of men & women of faith. We've been reading some especially amazing books lately & they've really got me thinking. For the record, (besides the gospel of John & Colossians chapter 3,) I highly recommend the books The Insanity of God (about persecuted Believers around the world & how they stand firm in their faith) as well as the one we're currently 3/4 of the way through, The Heavenly Man (about Chinese house church leader, Brother Yun & his persecution for the sake of Christ).

If you have any kind of apathy in your life, I guarantee you will feel convicted about that after reading either of these!! What I appreciate most about the men who wrote them is the utter honesty they've written them with (that even as "men of God" they struggle with pride & don't have all the answers in life,) & the way they continued to seek out God's path for their lives. My husband asked me (one bad day he was having) :) , "what's the point [in reading about all that]?" I answered, "I'm inspired by it!" These men have encouraged me (and the children) not to settle for status quo in life. Their words (as a Toby Mac song my children love to sing around the house says,) "SPEAK LIFE" into ours!!

We went to the grocery store as a family yesterday since Jason wasn't able to go Friday for us. It's always an adventure, walking through a retail establishment with 8 sets of hands wanting to touch *everything* they lay their eyes on & many of them wanting to spend the few quarters or dollars burning a hole in their pocket!! Somehow we made it through without incident & as they were all enjoying their chocolate ice cream bars (yes, we bribe our children to be "obedient" in the store! ;) ) a lady approached me & commented something to the effect of "I don't know HOW you do it with so many & they're all so well behaved & my two are driving me crazy!!!" First of all, I thought "you're just catching them on a good day."  :) but I wanted so badly to have a profound, deep, Christ-pointing response (because this was an opportunity to share Christ in some way, right???) yet all I could think to say was "well, it's kind of out of necessity [from having so many]." Ugh!!! I felt like it was such a lame answer & such a missed opportunity!!

Yesterday was also half-priced day at Goodwill (a great time to get the belts the older boys needed :) ). We all ended up going together after making it through the grocery & Jason tried to keep an eye on the kids while I looked for a few things. Being extremely pregnant with baby #9, (due Wednesday!) we tend to be noticed wherever we go, & a lady ended up striking up a conversation with me. In a short matter of time, she asked if we were Believers in Christ & said that she loved the Lord as well. It didn't take long for her to share with me some painful things that had happened in the last 2 years of her life, (including how she had to quit her job as a nurse because of some physical issues she had nearly died from,) & how she wondered what God's plan was for her in all that had happened. I was in awe that she would open her heart to me so easily & longed to have an answer for her- some word of encouragement! Yet all I could think of in my mind was, "Isn't that what so many of us are searching for?? What is God's plan for me?"

Along the same lines, Jason led our church group this morning in talking about "Radical Habits" (& discipleship in particular). He asked, "what is our cause [in life]?"

As the group spoke of using God's Word in our lives, God brought Hebrew 4:12 up to me, "For the Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." It reminded me of what the children & I read about Brother Yun (the house church leader in China). He recounted how he first came to know Christ at 16yrs of age. Though he only knew how to read simplified Chinese characters (from his limited schooling,) after miraculously receiving his own copy of God's Word, he wept over it in gratitude & painstakingly translated each character to the traditional Chinese characters in his new Bible! From there, he memorized all of Matthew & Acts within a few months. His diligence put me to shame!! The first time he was speaking to a group of people about Christ, (never having spoken to a group of people before, let alone 40,) & not knowing what else to say, he simply recited what he had memorized from the book of Matthew as fast as he could. From this, (just speaking God's Word,) those people listening were convicted of their sins & compelled to believe in Christ!!

God wants to use His Word (which is infinitely more *powerful* than any of the most eloquent & poignant  words I could think to speak,) to "speak life" into others' lives!!!

Toward the end of our time together this morning, the verses 1 Peter 3:15-16 came to mind.
"But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander."

The question probed me... "do I have an answer to everyone who asks me to give the reason for the hope I have?"

Another verse came to mind from those we have been working to memorize together from Colossians 3 (verse 16,) "Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts."

Hebrews 10:24-25 also says "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another- and all the more as you see the day approaching."

Another question has been waiting for me to answer, "Am I spurring others on toward love & good deeds? Am I encouraging those around me... making a difference in their lives with my words & actions?"

In my interactions with others- those who know the Lord Jesus Christ (like the woman at Goodwill,) & those who don't, (like maybe the woman at the grocery store,) am I pointing *everyone* I meet to HIM? Do I speak His Words of LIFE to them, to encourage & uplift, to share His love for them???

If I think about it, God's will for me, His path for all of us, (like we read in church group this morning) is given in Matthew 28- "Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

As I read God's powerful & life-giving Word, (& seek to memorize it- not my strong suit!) I am asking Him to also spill that over into the lives I'm a part of on a daily basis (my husband & children,) as well as into the other lives of those mine comes in contact with (who may know Him & may not).

I am praying all our lives (yours & mine!) be a reflection of His Truth living in us (because we're reading it, soaking in it & absorbing it!) & that we in turn, "speak life" to those He has placed in our paths!!!